When I stop by for a brief visit with my friends and family, the questions as to what I am currently doing always arise. While I usually attempt to feign interest towards unnecessary drivels like this, I have somewhat developed a disdain for this question in particular. Since almost everyone I know is either apathetic or ignorant of investment banking, this conversation usually ends in frustration on my part as the conversations usually follow the below sequence:
F&F: I haven’t seen you in a while, what are you up to now?
Shane: I am completing a bachelors program at Penn and hopefully after that, I can secure a great job on Wall Street working for a bank.
F&F: You want to be a teller at a bank?
Shane: No, this is not for a teller. This is for a position at the bank headquarters, usually on Wall Street, where the actual profits are being generated for the bank.
F&F: So you want to be a loan officer?
Shane: No, those are examples of job opportunities in commercial banks. I am aiming for an investment bank.
Person: An investor?
Shane: No, not an investor. These banks work with stocks and are more concerned with asset valuations of various companies. They provide services to corporation on numerous activities such as mergers and acquisitions, helping firms raise cash to conduct business, selling corporate securities to the public and advising on financial strategies.
Person: So a stockbroker?
Shane (in frustration): Yes, a stockbroker…that is exactly what I am hoping to do.
Now with the current credit crisis and the press that these banks are receiving, my latest conversation departed from the standard convention. It seems there is no more layman confusion (or at least reduced confusion – at least they’re in the ballpark now) as what constitutes an investment bank.
F&F: I haven’t seen you in a while, what are you up to now?
Shane: I am completing a bachelors program at Penn and hopefully after that, I can secure a great job on Wall Street working for a bank.
Person: Oh, you want to be like those assholes that ruined our economy.
Shane (in relief): Thank you, you saved me from seven minutes of excruciating and agonizing explanation.
Person: Of what?
Shane: Just be happy we skipped it, I am.
Maybe a silver lining indeed.
